Financial crisis

Good morning, Mr Mainwaring:
could you give my nainwaring?
She spoke to Archie Cholmondeley –
says he answered rather glolmondeley.
His grace, just up from Belvoir,
says the market’s in a felvoir;
it seems that Ian Menzies
lost a packet on those thenzies.
I’ve tried to contact Beauchamp
but it seems I just can’t reauchamp.
No use calling St John:
he was out last evening bt john.

Why can’t investment twits
be straightforward, like us Brits?